I guess you could call me
just "frustrated".
I have dabbled in just about
everything I could get my hands on...
From a very small age,
singing and dancing was my main passion in life. All I ever wanted
to do was perform, that is (after) I was thrown on the front pulpit
of church at 4 or 5 being forced to sing "Jesus Loves Me".
I would stare for
hours at all kinds of dancers, from ballerinas, to Gene Kelly in old
movies...(I wanted to be his partner)! So every night as a child I
would pretend I was a famous dancer, in my parents' large and empty
living room with various records and articles of clothing...my
favorite was dancing with seven veils, pretending to be some erotic
dancer like in the old Roman movies. My Aunt would sit there for
hours crying with a drink in her hand telling me how beautiful I
was. So from that little bit of encouragement, I started out on a
path of pursuing different goals in the arts. From sculpting,
drawing, and photography, to writing lyrics and large letters to
friends and family, always wanting to write "the" book of
the century. Then Growing up in Hawaii only "whetted my
taste" for more art, beauty, rhythm, culture and dance. I tried a few stints in the entertainment industry,
getting halfway around the world, singing and dancing for others,
and in bands, from New York & Philadelphia, to Japan and Singapore,
and then back home to then California. One of my agencies, which
happened to be in New York,
(Universal Attractions at the time), was trying to promote me as the
"first white female to sing Soul & Funk"... only 'Tina
Marie' beat me to the punch. (heh). I truly enjoyed touring
around and doing different circuits. But after all that, I was still looking for that "something" to
fulfill this restlessness in me, still wanting to learn and do it
all.
I tried my hand at another
passion, (which the same Aunt said I had a natural flair for), and
that was hairdressing. Passing that State Board was one of the
hardest and nerve wrecking hurdles in my life. Though I don't work
at it now as a career, I still keep up the "License"...
cause' you
never know!
And with that, I still never came to grips with the fact that I hadn't found "the" perfect career, hobby, or livelihood.
So I hopped from corporate office to retail, back and forth. Did a
decade for the good 'ole Government till I found some of the
managers were just as corrupt as any corporate mongrels in the
private sector. (You tax payers would LOVE to hear all about that!).
I even
cooked and baked at a cool restaurant in Hawaii years ago.
Finding love (the right
kind), was my biggest
passion however. And expressing myself sexually and comfortably with
"the" perfect partner was no easy task. But I stumbled
onto someone in my own backyard, after all my travels and searches
around the world.
I found that he was just as "eager" to express himself
"and" allow me to do the same, in this world of
sensualness and erotica, as I was. And this was during a time when
women were still "expected" to refrain from anything other
than normal. (At least in the open). Even Oral sex was still just a very new and "out
there" topic. Everyone was "doing it" in this sexual
revolution, but no one would admit it or talk about it much. At
least all the "good girls" didn't. Thank god for people
like Masters & Johnson and a few other brave souls who pioneered
the way for women's "rights" in the bedroom.
So these two "lightening
bolts" hit in the night, with no turning back. We experimented
and played at just about anything you could imagine. And anywhere. But
"time" can be a
thief. And one can lose certain passions that were once the basis of
all life, at 21 anyway. Some call it "age", some call it
"familiarity". But it's been one of the hardest things I've
ever experienced. As you find the people in your life really don't need you
as much any
more, you tend to start looking for fulfillment again in other
areas. Many women go through this in mid-life I have found. So I took on
other hobbies to stay focused, and studied people, read every book I could get
my hands on, took on Psychology classes and spoke to different men and women through the years,
to bring me to this point. I found that with every conversation,
they usually turned out to be a sort of 'survey', until I finally
created my own surveys. With hundreds of women from all ages sending
me their collective answers. They were extremely honest and very
open. Almost grateful that someone was listening to them.
So here I am,
self taught in most ways in this new world of Computers and Graphic
arts. Wow! I never dreamed that I could actually learn
"anything" on a computer! Much less try to pursue a career
in it! But I find more fulfillment in the graphic art world and
writing than I
ever had in any other art form. I still sing at the occasional
wedding, or party, and let's not forget the good ole' Karaoke bars!
Back in 2000 it hit me around
Christmas. For the last 20 years or so, people would come
to me with all sorts of questions about relationships, and
sexuality. To this day I still don't know why. Some tell me it's my free
spirit and the confidence I carry from day to day. As people would
get to know me, the dialogues would just open up through no
prompting of my own! Add to that the many shows I've seen on
"Oprah"
about the millions of women in the world who "hate" sex.
Literally!
And their spouses are "stunned". (As well as hurt). So... I thought,
"I'm going to try to "learn" this Internet Web stuff
as much as I can, and make a site for all the women of the world. To
send a message to them, that it's 'OK' to learn about love and sexuality
as much as you want to, no matter what your mother or your church
has taught you! And to not be afraid to learn all you can, and
not be afraid of methods and practices, especially if you had come
from a religious background like me. For to be raised in a strict religious
home inherently "stifles" most women from feeling the freedom to
express themselves they way they want and should!
Hence, this site was created
for you and all those you think should read it.
I hope to accomplish great
things for you and me here.
And my biggest hope is that
you share this info with others. For my main goal is to save
relationships, and create a better understanding in dialogue and
practices for both sexes.
SWAK!
